A Special Type of Cookies
Two chocolate cookies with a cream filling, marketed as “Chocolate Sandwich Cookies”. It became the best-selling cookie in the United States since its introduction in 19121. This was in the beginning. Nowadays the company produces a large number of variations. If you still don´t get it: I am talking about Oreos. This text shall not be about the history of the most delicious cookie nor about information and facts on it but it can be considered as the right way on how to eat Oreos properly in some detailed steps.
Let´s start. Okay. I got so maaany cookies. They make me happy. Okay. First things first. There are many many different ways of eating an Oreo cookie properly. For real, believe it or not, though. The improper way to eat Oreos is to break them heartlessly in the middle into two pieces. They could lose their flavor and you wouldn´t enjoy eating them. Also you would end up with cookie crumbs all around you and that would be a total waste of the most delicious cookie. Delete this way out of your mind. Worse would be to separate the two cookies along the cream filling by pulling them apart. The right way would be twisting them apart. So if you are still reading this without doing anything, now it would be the part where you grab your Oreo cookies and follow the
instructions. And don´t forget: even if you bought a family pack of Oreo cookies don´t, and I repeat, absolutely don´t share them because Oreos aren´t cookies to share with other people. If sharing is caring, then screw caring. Okay. Back to twisting: If you twist the Oreo cookies apart you don´t damage the cream filling
The left cream filling is damaged because someone pulled the cookie apart (wrong way). The right cream filling looks better and was twisted apart. As you can see the left cookie lost its flavor and the right one is still full of it.
Also absolutely don´t do this to your beloved cookies. Every time I see Oreo cookies being broken in the middle like this my eyes almost start to water. Read my descriptions and everything will be fine.
Now we learn how to dunk. Put the cookie into the milk. Dunk. Make sure you don´t have a wrist-band on because it could stop your blood from circulating and you could end up having a muscle cramp. So wait. Stop. I know you can´t wait to eat the cookie but we need to take preemptive measures for the worst case. Okay. I will definitely show you my perfect technique. I mastered this technique over the last years. I entrust you with this even though you may not be ready for it. So listen up. Best is to start cracking your fingers to make them more elastic. Now take a look at the cookies. Aim especially on one and focus. Then you place your index finger and middle finger on top of the cookie and take it followed by your thumb. Make sure to hold it very tight. But not too tight. We don´t want the cookie to break apart. Remember the waste thing above? With the cookie between your fingers you now do some warm-ups. Extend the fingers and then retrieve them. Repeat it five times. Okay. Now we stick to the dunk part again. Dunk the cookie. As soon as the cookie is halfway in the milk, wiggle it around a bit. I know you like it, Magikarp. In case you don´t know: I name every single Oreo cookie after a Pokémon to make them special. Then pull it out after five to ten seconds like your life is on the line. Wiggle the milk down the cookie and then you just eat it. No! Don´t you eat the cookie in one piece! You need to enjoy it. You just dunked the cookie in a proper way. You should be proud of yourself. And if you managed to do it with my technique you can be even more proud. It makes you an intermediate-proficient user. Hurray! I´m cheering for ya! Mmmmhh! I just took a bite off my cookie. Farewell, Magikarp! Then you dunk in the dry part of your Oreo and repeat the procedure. Wiggle it a bit in the milk. Yes, I know you like it! Take it out and eat it. Don´t forget to enjoy it! It´s something special. Oreo cookies are the best cookies in the whole world.
Sometimes I get asked if it is the only and proper way to eat Oreos. My answer here is: NO! There are definitely other ways to eat Oreos properly. Okay. Ready whenever you are. Aim on one cookie again and focus. Take it. This time it doesn´t matter how you take it because you place it on your palm. Form a fist with your hand and hold it right over the glass of milk. Since your hands are already warmed up we can skip the stretching and cracking part. Alright! You crush the Oreo into little cookie crumbs and let them drop into the milk. This way you can have more milk to the cookie if the first way should have been too dry. You grab a second cookie, a third cookie up to how many cookies you like and crush them into the milk. I gonna miss my Pokémon. With this technique I always end up with dirty and sticky hands, because of the filling. Attention! Don´t wash your hand in water. Just don´t do it. It would be a huge waste. Better is and what I do every time: Use your tongue. Sounds weird but just try it! Your tongue will be very thankful for this delicious experience of literally licking Oreo cookies. Use both hands to crush the Oreos. It´s way faster and your tongue will enjoy it, too. Okay remember even if it sounds awkward. I´m still talking about how to eat Oreos properly. Don´t be dirty-minded. You should make sure no one is watching you. Because I personally get very stimulated when it comes to eating Oreo cookies. And it´s not a good idea having people watching you while you do that. I already have goosebumps when I think about the Oreo spectacle I just created. And having a look at it makes me drool a lot. Some extra tips: I always add some ice cream and have less milk. Then I mix it up to have the ultimate fusion of Oreo cookies, ice cream and milk. You can use a spoon to get the pieces out of the milk and eat them. OR: You just put everything into a mixer and create your self-made Oreo-milkshake.
This is the most delicious milkshake ever!
Okay. I know that there actually exist people who don´t like milk or have an allergic reaction, something like lactose intolerance. Yes, something like that does exist! Google helps you out if you don´t know what that is. If there is this case there is only one way of eating the most delicious cookie ever. Alright! Ready? We start with a warm-up again. This time without a cookie. You just extend your fingers and retrieve them five to ten times. Blow some warm air on your fingers to raise the blood circulation. By now you should have the right touch. Grab a cookie and place your fingers on the edge of it. Wait. Aim for one cookie and focus, then you grab it! Place your fingers on the edge and pay attention now! Twist the cookie apart. Do not, I repeat again, don´t you just pull them apart. Okay. My cookie is twisted apart now and I have two parts of Pikachu in my hands. The one cookie part with the cream filling and the other part without the cream filling. Just put the one part without the cream filling aside and focus on the one with the cream filling. Give it a flirting look since you both like it and will both probably enjoy it. Oreo cookies are happy if you are happy. It´s some kind of circle of life and interdependence sociologists talk about. Now you are allowed to take the whole cookie into your mouth since it´s half of the cookie. You better store the creamless cookie part until you have several dozen.
After having stored several dozen of creamless Oreo cookies it´s finally time for the next step. Therefore you need to have vanilla ice cream. But first you crush the Oreo cookies into small pieces. I always put them in a plastic film and crush them with a rolling pin. This way you don´t have to lick up your hands because you might still need them. Then it´s up to you with how you want to mix the Oreo cookies and the vanilla ice cream. I personally prefer more Oreo cookies than ice cream. I think I don´t need to explain why… Tadaa! There you go. You have just made your self-made Oreo Ice Cream. And I bet it´s delicious. Mine is already eaten. When it comes to Oreo cookies I don´t understand fun. I eat them before someone else does. And I don´t feel sorry about it. It´s a privilege to have lots of Oreo cookies just for you. Appreciate it. When I was younger I always had to share my stuff with my five siblings. I got to know the Oreo cookies when I was eleven. Since then Oreos are love. Oreos are life.
Additional note: This is my personal way of how to eat Oreo cookies properly. You may have your ways to eat them but they are wrong. Just accept it! I hope you figured out that this is a fun text and not meant seriously. I will not be held responsible for any strange occurrences or njuries that may happen. Enjoy your Oreo cookies! Keep it in mind: Eat Oreos as if it was the last day of your life. With that being said: Thank you for reading and I hope you liked my humorous and non-serious text on how to eat Oreos properly.